It’s All About Image, Even Your Image

May 1st, 2008 by John Stodder

Good news! The science, the art, the profession of image-making makes a significant advance this spring. The Association of Image Consultants International is holding its annual conference in Tampa, Florida in May. I can only your image consultant is savvy enough to attend.

Here’s the press release:
Getting Up Close and Personal With the Business of Image

SAN FRANCISCO, April 30 /PRNewswire/ — The Association of Image
Consultants International (AICI) holds its Annual Conference, titled “The
Ins and Outs of Image: Turning Your Business Inside Out and Upside Down,”
at the Renaissance Tampa Hotel, Tampa, Florida from Thursday, May 15
through Monday, May 19.

The title of the conference is a string of visual metaphors that you’d need M.C. Escher to illustrate.

Says Carol Robichaud, AICI CIP, the conference vice president: “The
site selection reflects the international beauty, flavor and ambiance of
our image industry.

Aren’t all conference held in as desirable a location as attendees can afford? You need an image consultant to tell you Tampa is a nicer place to go than Gary, Indiana?

We will be hosting newcomers in our association, seasoned image professionals

How long has it been possible to call oneself an “image professional?” What does an image consultant do to become “seasoned” at it?

Here’s what AICI’s website says:

As an independent professional, an image consultant guides you in presenting yourself to your best advantage and in expressing your highest potential.
Whether you’re an individual or a corporation, an image consultant can teach you how to polish your professional image in three areas:

Your physical appearance – Grooming, hair, make-up, color, wardrobe, and personal shopping.

Okay, I get it. “What Not to Wear,” except instead of being nominated by your worried mother, you nominate yourself, and pay for it yourself. Except they also offer to change…

Your behavior – Personality, stress management, etiquette, and protocol.

From personal shopping to altering your personality is a big leap, isn’t it? But that’s not all…

Your communication skills – Diction, body language, relationship-building, and conflict resolution.

Speech therapy? Couples counseling? Anger management? The same person who picks a new shape of lipstick can also make lions lie down with lambs? Maybe they should have a show, too: “Who Not to Be.”

After this crescendo of amazing claims, the site incongruously makes yet another offer — to make house calls:

An image consultant utilizes the learning environment that you find most comfortable and convenient, whether it’s personal consultation in your office or home, a coaching session over the phone, a presentation to your executive team, a seminar for your employees, or a workshop at your annual conference.

Hey, if you’re this gifted, don’t worry, I’ll come to your place.

Now, back to the press release:

Over 45 workshops are scheduled on far-reaching image topics, including
running successful international image businesses, proper business and
social etiquette, motivational and image-related sessions for women and men
by the leading experts in the field.

Seems like kind of weak tea for these image consultant superheroes. Shouldn’t they be discussing Plato? Or at least Calvin Klein?

“The conference’s main objective is to provide our members a pleasing atmosphere whereby they can gain professional certification through these internationally accredited programs,” states Robichaud.

Now I’m feeling really let down. If you can fix my wardrobe, my body language, my tendency to speak too fast and my relationships, you shouldn’t need no stinkin’ badges.

For more information on the conference and registration details, visit our Web site at http://www.aici.org.

The featured speaker at the Opening Reception, Friday, May 16, is Doris
Pooser, AICI, a New York-based internationally recognized image leader,

I wonder if some of the other image consultants at the conference might suggest Ms. Pooser, er, change her last name? The image I get from “Pooser” isn’t great.

who is president, CEP and founder of AIS International, Inc./Always in Style
and author of nine best-selling books for women and men, including her most
recent: A Woman’s Guide to Success, Perfecting Your Professional Image.

The major sponsors include: Gold-Level - LookSmart, Australia’s leading
tailoring chain for alterations, including general alterations, re-sizing,
restyling and invisible mending. As exhibitors, they present “Perfect Fit,”
highlighting the importance of having clothes altered to fit the body
correctly.

In other words: When you buy clothes, take them to a tailor. Tailors have been around a long time. This needs “highlighting?”

The two Silver-Level sponsors include: Nina McLemore LLC, the New
York-based creator of designer-quality, elegant clothing for the busy
executive woman, superbly tailored using the finest imported, mostly
natural fibers;

I like that “mostly natural.” Hint: “Mostly” wouldn’t work on vegans or people who keep Kosher.

and Underology…the science of what’s underneath, which includes “Lipo in a Box, the SMART foundations of beauty — a line of shapewear that takes away all those unpleasant lumps and bumps hiding beneath the surface and Underology’s SMART line of basic and advanced skincare products by Connie Elder International, featured prominently in countless national and international print and broadcast media.

You mean, like, girdles. That thing Judy Garland was trying to fit into in Meet Me in St. Louis. This image business is all about using tailors and wearing a girdle.